Estate Plan and Health Care Wishes: Are You Ready to Discuss These?

You may be reluctant to share your estate plan and health care wishes with your family because you think it’s your private business. But your decisions affect your children so it makes sense to speak with them about your intentions.

The reason you may not want to talk about your plans may have to do with the person you’ve selected as the executor or trustee. Whether you’ve chosen someone outside of the family or a particular child, you should take the opportunity to discuss your choices. Not only will it avoid surprises later, but it will give your family time to process the decisions you’ve made.

Read on to learn why you should discuss your estate plan and health care wishes with your family.

Estate Plan and Health Care Wishes: Why You Should Discuss These with Your Family Now 

The sooner you speak to your family about your estate plan and health care wishes the better. Here are the top reasons why you’ll want to schedule a family meeting now.

To Explain Your Estate Plan

It’s better to discuss your estate plan while you’re living. Not only can you avoid hurt feelings, but you can explain why it’s set up the way it is. You don’t have to share specifics, but explain, in a general manner, how you planned your estate and why.

To Communicate Your Health Care Wishes

Your health care directive should include a living will, designation of health care power of attorney, and Authorization of Release of your medical information.  It may also include a do not resuscitate (DNR) order [your doctor can write this in your medical record]. Depending on how your family feels about a DNR, you can make your wishes known that you absolutely do not want to be revived.

If you need to go into an assisted living facility or nursing home, you can tell your family which ones you’d prefer and why. You may also inform them that funding has been set aside for your long-term care needs. Communicating these and other health care wishes may not be comfortable for you and it may not be comfortable for your family to hear, but death is a part of life. You should make the time to discuss your health care.

To Avoid Confusion and Misunderstanding

To avoid confusion and misunderstanding about your estate plan and health care wishes, have a calm and rational discussion with your family. Set the tone for your family meeting by establishing rules. For example, one person speaks at a time without being interrupted. If you’ve included your step children in your estate plan, explain why. Even if your biological children become angry you can remain at peace. Explain your decision and be willing to listen to feedback. Whether or not you choose to change your estate plan is up to you.

When you speak with your family about your estate plan and health care wishes, you may want to ask your attorney and financial advisor to attend. Why? Because they can explain how your estate will work once you’ve passed away. They can also answer any questions your family may have. Your family should know who you’ve been working with so they’ll feel comfortable working with them when you’re incapacitated or not here.

Have a Family Meeting and Discuss Your Estate Plan and Health Care Wishes

 No one wants to talk about death and everything that goes with it, from funeral arrangements to end of life wishes. But it’s a conversation that you must have with your family. Choose a date and time that works with everyone’s schedule. Ask your family members to come prepared with their questions.

Keep in mind that it’s normal for you and your family to be anxious because you’re discussing sensitive issues – your estate plan and health care wishes.

If you’ve remarried, you may experience challenges because of your blended family. Or perhaps you have an adult child who isn’t financially responsible and couldn’t handle an inheritance. If you’ve set up trusts, explain why they’re being used. You may receive “push back” from your children, but stand your ground. If charitable giving is a part of your plan, explain why it’s important to you.

When you meet with your family, remain calm and optimistic. And remember, you can’t control the actions of others, but you can control your reaction to them.

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